Ooh these Feelings !!

I am not feeling good at all. Why? I dont know. May be I need to be home. May be I need to be with people. May be I need to be myself. May be, I need to understand myself.

I feel as if I am alone. I feel as if I am worthless. Breathing is not living.
I spent past few weeks working like maniac. Sitting late hours, working with SD (San Diego) team, resolving issues unseen before, reading people's mind, trying to figure-out what all is expected out of me without being said. I forgot my mom's bday, missed my aerobics classes, missed my breakfast, had late lunches, skipped dinners, missed the Fun-Fridays, did not ring home, did not hear from friends, did not listen to music. Looking back, I just don't understand what was I doing, rather was I doing anything at all !!

My team has a list of TODOs for me. I know them all, and have to get them done. But here I am writing my blog, venting out the wrath. George Joseph, the communication specialist, had said that one should always KNOW what one is feeling. Naming the feel, helps us to handle it. If thats true, then I know that I am feeling ALONE + TIRED + .FRUSTRATED + HOMESICK. But it is not helping me !!

My friend says:

You can feel good for no reason at all. In fact, you can choose to feel any way you wish at any time and in any situation. Whatever you desire, you desire because of the way you think it will make you feel. Whatever you avoid, you avoid because you don't wish to experience the feelings that you assume it will bring. Yet the fact is that your feelings are not controlled by your circumstances. Those feelings are determined by how you choose to respond to various situations and events. Your feelings in any moment are yours to choose. You can choose to feel the wonderful reality of your most treasured dreams long before those dreams have been fully achieved. And when you do, you put yourself in a positive, powerful place from which you can surely make those dreams real. When you feel good for no reason, you immediately begin to create the reasons. Choose each day to feel the way you wish to feel, no matter what is going on around you. And let your feelings pull you toward the fulfillment of your destiny."

When is enough enough ?

Everyone in this world has his/her set of dreams and wishes. Extending to the horizon... countless in number. My room mate says "All I need is JUST to get married to my boyfriend." My hostel warden says "If only I could get arrange for 10 more hostelites... it would be ENOUGH". My friend says "I JUST need to be home once".

But we all know.. the wish does not stop there.. but all we can see right now.. is JUST this much. It is the short-sightedness of the man that he uses the term JUST or ENOUGH.... because enough is never enough !!

Lappy !!

Yes, its true. I don't have a laptop. My sis has one, courtesy: my Dad. And so does most of my colleagues. But why does everyone has to make a helluva issue out of it ??!! "Ooh !! You don't have a laptop??!!" "How do you live??!!" "Ooh Gosh!! How do you spend your weekends??!!" and the expressions go on !!

I always thought of its need to be business driven. Students need it for practicing their course materials. Architects need it for their designs. Managers need it to maintain their omnipresence. I need it for.. no reason. I do all my work and fun with internet while at office.

To me laptop is a headache. Its an addiction. If the circumstances make me buy one.. thats different. But I know.. if I got one I would only be killing my time with it.

First Weekend of 2009 !!

Last few days were spent talking of how we can start the new year(not that it needs to be started). We seemed to be making headlines at our office. The discussion of the outing almost became talk of the team, if not the town.

I remember. I always wanted to move around but never found a company to hang out with. And now Im so blessed that Im falling short of time.


GHAJINI
A movie with sooo much hype. A tamil block-buster and a good runner in telugu. Now released in bollywood and thanks to Aamir and Rehman, it has managed to catch the attention of one and all. Post its release, its telugu-version was aired on a TV-channel and I refrained from watching it as wanted to enjoy it with my roomie. Which took me another 10 days to make it to the 70mm screen. But the wait was worth it. Liked the movie. Could see the southern flavour in it all the time too. The screenplay was good, and the cinematography was just terrific. Heavy use of special effects gave a new dimension to it. Had many moments which touched my heart. Overall a dekko !!

SNOWWORLD
Same day, had made plans with my friends (from office) to make it to the Snowworld. Its a place where they get you in a closed chamber at -4 degree Cel temperature for an hour !! OK, its not a form of torture.. but a nice way of 'chiling out' !!
I came rushing from Ghajini to catch my friends. Had made them all wait for a whooping 45mins. :P (Well.... its not like this always though !!) Took tickets, wore all those jackets (which did little to prevent the cold) and entered the place. As soon as we entered.. the initial 15mins. we had fun like a 5yr. old kid. We were laughing soooo much that ended up with paining stomach. Then there were these sledges where u slide front facing, but one my friends came down with back-facing !! :D Then we had this artificial snow-fall, snow-DJ and then a merry-go-round in reverse direction (dont ask me why reverse!!). By the end of that hour all the fingers went numb and were literally paining. And just when I thought the entire game (with the chilling pain) is over, she banged me with a snowball right on my nose !! Auch !! Auch !! Auch !!

The Questionnaire

Who are You?
I am "Pratibhasagar"... fondly known as "Dolphin" in the virtual world.

Why are you here?
Well... most of my friends were writing about their lives & their thoughts. And then friend of mine.. (rightly) guessed that writing might interest me. So, here I am.

What will this blog have?
Not sure. The upcoming posts might not follow any theme / ideology. I am not sure... what I might dump in here. So be patient and if possible excuse the inconsistency spotted.

Why did you not attempt it before?
Never knew what to write, which holds true even now. But being away from home since past 5 months, and having found a bunch of friends... I think I will be able to pull it out.

Got more questions?? Shoot it !!