Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Ooh these Feelings !!

I am not feeling good at all. Why? I dont know. May be I need to be home. May be I need to be with people. May be I need to be myself. May be, I need to understand myself.

I feel as if I am alone. I feel as if I am worthless. Breathing is not living.
I spent past few weeks working like maniac. Sitting late hours, working with SD (San Diego) team, resolving issues unseen before, reading people's mind, trying to figure-out what all is expected out of me without being said. I forgot my mom's bday, missed my aerobics classes, missed my breakfast, had late lunches, skipped dinners, missed the Fun-Fridays, did not ring home, did not hear from friends, did not listen to music. Looking back, I just don't understand what was I doing, rather was I doing anything at all !!

My team has a list of TODOs for me. I know them all, and have to get them done. But here I am writing my blog, venting out the wrath. George Joseph, the communication specialist, had said that one should always KNOW what one is feeling. Naming the feel, helps us to handle it. If thats true, then I know that I am feeling ALONE + TIRED + .FRUSTRATED + HOMESICK. But it is not helping me !!

My friend says:
You can feel good for no reason at all. In fact, you can choose to feel any way you wish at any time and in any situation. Whatever you desire, you desire because of the way you think it will make you feel. Whatever you avoid, you avoid because you don't wish to experience the feelings that you assume it will bring. Yet the fact is that your feelings are not controlled by your circumstances. Those feelings are determined by how you choose to respond to various situations and events. Your feelings in any moment are yours to choose. You can choose to feel the wonderful reality of your most treasured dreams long before those dreams have been fully achieved. And when you do, you put yourself in a positive, powerful place from which you can surely make those dreams real. When you feel good for no reason, you immediately begin to create the reasons. Choose each day to feel the way you wish to feel, no matter what is going on around you. And let your feelings pull you toward the fulfillment of your destiny."



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